Princess in pink...

Chapter six of Nakkula, dealing with gender identity development tugged at a lot of cords in me, both in a positive and negative way. Right from the start Nakkula states on page 100, " other props arguably more influential even than biology, stem from cultural expectations rooted in societal, community, religious, and family values." I think that this is directly tied into what we as a society, community, family, culture value as the roles of each person. The problem that I have with this is that it seems as though the roles and values do not seem to evolve with time. What was valued in the 1920s, 50s, 70s, is not necessarily what is valued today, but I feel as though there are pigeon holes around gender and gender roles that expired decades ago. Nakkula again says this on page 100, when he writes, "we internalize gendered norms for masculinity and femininity that are picked up through family life, in the neighborhood, and throughout the media." I see this reflected so often in the jobs that men and women opt to pursue. I was reminded of it again in an article that I came across about little girls being interested in the tech field. It really boggles my mind that there are still "gendered" jobs. Men that want to become nurses are often made fun of and called names because "that's a woman's job," and women that want to work in construction are often called "butch" or "manly" because they want to work with their hands. I understand that in a different time, specifically war time that men and women had separate jobs, but why is this stereotyping still in effect today? Why does it seem as though we can't get over this hurdle? Why is it still so crazy to some people that I, as a woman, know how to use a power tool? Do our schools support typical gender roles, or do we challenge our students to really pursue their passions and interests regardless of the gendering that is usually in effect?

A few months ago on Facebook I encountered the story of Ryland, and when I read on page 100 in Nakkula, "their roles are so thoroughly scripted that modifying or breaking out of them takes extraordinary acts of insight and courage" and I would add to that quote, "support" I was reminded of Ryland.  Ryland is a transgender child, who would have never been able to accomplish what he has so early without the support of his parents.

I began to get upset when reading on page 103 about the "messages that girls should be supportive and accommodating and that "appropriate" feminine behavior is neither loud nor aggressive." It brought me back to my middle school days. I was a loud and out going middle school student. I was outspoken in class, played basketball with the boys at recess, and was not afraid to say what was on my mind at any time. It was at the end of my 8th grade year that I was told that boys don't want that kind of girl. They are not attracted to the girl that's always "playing with the boys" or the "loudmouth." And so as Nakkula states (103), "rambunctious girls shed their childlike ways in favor of more refined ways of being and becoming-specifically being in a manner that is "becoming" of a lady." And so did I. I started to change the way that I acted, my participation in class, and the activities that I did after school. I started to play on less sports teams, and spend more time at home working on my grades. "To break out of the usual ways of doing things is to let others down. That is the message many adolescent girls hear, whether shouted and demanded explicitly, or whispered and encouraged implicitly"(107). This statement resonated with me as well. I certainly did not want to let my parents down, I wanted them to be proud of me, and so I changed a lot of who I was to fit into that mold. I am curious as to what it is like at an all girls school. I wonder if they are teaching girls to be 'proper' women, or if they are teaching them to push back against the mold. I want to believe that they are teaching women to step out against these things, but I'm not sure. 

So much of this chapter also reminds me of the stages that we talked about previously, specifically moratorium. If we limit the experiences that we allow or want young people to have, or tell them that certain things are not acceptable, then I do not think they will experience all the things they need to in order to truly find themselves. 

My final and favorite part of this chapter is when Nakkula talked about homeplace. I think of what home means to me-home is the place where the real you is supported and validated, a place where you are not afraid to just be you, loose ends and all. On page 108 Nakkula says, "to learn which school spaces adolescents consider homeplaces, one need only locate the teachers'and counselors' rooms where youth gather before school, at lunch, and after school. Youth tend to linger in these places precisely because they feel at home there-at home in a way that accepts them as fully as they're capable of showing up, and sends them out more fully capable of coping with the demands of the day." This is my classroom, and no matter how many negative people try and tell me that they is weird or out of the norm, I know that this is a safespace for my students.